I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
