I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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