With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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