I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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