I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize