Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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