I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
