So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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