I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
