My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
