so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
why is half of my head shaved?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
