dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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