the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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