If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
