Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
