i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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