I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
