pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
