AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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