Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
