I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
