I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
