one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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