Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
