i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
