My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize