if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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