I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
