New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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