She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
