is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
