her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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