I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
