Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize