Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
