your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
