Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
