and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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