there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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