apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
