he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
