We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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