Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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