shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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