i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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