Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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