I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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