Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize