Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
