Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
