ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
