new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
