I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
