doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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