I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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