Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
