I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize