omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
