dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
