What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
