I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
