if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
