I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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