im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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