im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
