i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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