yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
