I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
