Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
