you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
