last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
