I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
