...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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