Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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