We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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