I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
