What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
