Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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