he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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