Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
