when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
