This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
