I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
