Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
