think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
