I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
