I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
