Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
