Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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