i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
