We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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