3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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