I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
