I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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