haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
