if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was confusing and full of hummus
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
