UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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