So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The power of my boobs compel you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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