wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
