i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize