i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
NoShamevember. You game?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
