Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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