I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
